I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
