Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
