Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize