why didn't you poke me back
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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