There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
