Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
