I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
