your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
