dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
