how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
