chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
