When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
