Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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