I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
