Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
