walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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