Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
