i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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