Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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