His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
