I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
