Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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