Where is the hickey?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
