I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
