my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
