I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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