all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
