did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize