I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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