you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
