So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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