I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
