either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
accomplished twins. life is a go
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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