What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
