Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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