she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
