I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize