Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i think my cat just said my name.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
