I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
