I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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