She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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