U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
