Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
