people are starting to question the shark bite story
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
