I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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