If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
