Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
