somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's never too late to be topless.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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