My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
