This is not my ceiling
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
