East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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