just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
