i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
