Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
