AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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