so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
time to smoke my breakfast
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
