She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
