Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
