Christians are straight up FREAKS
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
