Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
