You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
