You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
