Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
