where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
