i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just want to make out with him forever
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
