woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
