I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think my moral compass just broke
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
