The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
