you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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