i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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