I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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