i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
