I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize