Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
