then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
