So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
