Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
