I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize