Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
