i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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