How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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